Well I guess my first post of 2009 should contain elements of my last posts of the year – food and the Brighton and Hove City Mortuary… As Christmas recedes, like our bloated tums, into distant memory, I’m reflecting on what were the highlights of the holiday period, and up there among them must rank my invitation to the Mortuary’s annual Xmas dinner. Dead good fun it was. . .(apologies, I can hear you groaning…!!!)

The Mortuary seems to favour Chinese for this event – I suspect it is because they are safe from the risk of being served offal – something I have discovered that few pathologists or mortuary staff like to eat. No prizes for guessing why. But they had not reckoned on one other dish on the menu that brought unfortunate memories for the mortuary team this year.

As we took our places around the table, we were regaled with the story of an unfortunate woman, whose fully clothed body was recovered from the sea, having been immersed for some weeks (not a pretty sight or smell). She was lying on a metal table, still fully clothed, the subject of a Home Office post-mortem as her death was suspicious. Suddenly her pink jumper started pulsing, right over the area of her heart. There was a sharp intake of breath from everyone around the table as it seemed for a moment that she had suddenly, and impossibly, come alive again. The pathologist nervously snipped open her jumper and a large crab scuttled out, Screaming that she was terrified of crabs the pathologist ran from the room, slamming the door behind her!

Just after one of the team finished telling the story we were urged to look at the menus. One of the items was stir-fried crab with ginger. No one ordered it. Strange that…